My Long Awaited Return

So it has been a long time since I've blogged, but I'm back and don't worry you won't be disappointed. In the last few months I've basically been doing a lot of thinking...a lot of drinking and a lot of thinking; mainly drinking, though. I've had some ups and downs, not the kind of ups and downs I would like to have, but that's niether here nor there. First off, one drunken night in Vermillion a couple friends and I decided that we were going to dig a lagoon in the backyard of their Frat house and piss in it, thus began the weekly and almost nightly ritual of getting drunk and pissing in the lagoon. For those of you who may not know, this is from the movie Meet the Fockers, we just made it our own.
Oh, I went on a date, which turned into nothing except me being without the 80 dollars I spent that night. Should have figured on that much, but oh well. There are plenty of other girls out there just in line to get with me...umm, right.
Also, one night I got sick of all my hair and told my sister to cut my hair into a mohawk, which was fun, and pretty badass if I do say so myself.
Other than that, I've pretty much just been going to class and getting drunk all weekend. Not a whole lot to say right now...I'm sick, and that sucks. Anywho, peace out.

Pet Peeve of the Week

So this week I have something new to talk about. Lately I've been noticing a lot of people talking to themselves in public, mainly at the college I go to. This is a habit that drives me insane. I've heard a plethera of things from mutters about the computers in the lab to full on outbursts to themselves. Are people that fuckin crazy that they can't keep their thoughts in their heads? Do they think someone is going to hear them and offer sympathy? It's not going to be me. I'm going to laugh at them for being the nutcases they really are. How hard is it to think something without actually saying it? Not hard. I do it all the time...if I said everything that came in my head outloud I would be dead. These people need to realize that talking to yourself is not OK. Find a friend, or just have the willpower to not say everything out loud. Keep it in. It's fucking annoying and if it continues I might freak out and say some of the things that are in my head.

Pet Peeve of the Week

This is something that has been getting under my skin since I can remember. As an American my native language in English, that is every American's native language and by it being that it should be the language spoken the most here in America...especially in Iowa. That, though, is not the case. More and more I am hearing that fucking ugly language that makes me want to vomit every time I hear it...yes I'm talking about Spanish. I have grown almost intolerant of hearing the language. Don't get me wrong, I have absolutely nothing against Spanish people, but I know those fuckers are talking about me. I've got 5 years of Spanish under my belt, but that does not, by any means, mean I can keep up with those auctioneers. I have no problem with hearing any other language...French, of course I'm fine with it, it's the language of romance; German is even fine, with all their einz schweinz and all of that, it sounds like gibbrish, it's funny. But Spanish is just God awful to listen to. You can take the most educated well spoken Spanish man, but once he opens his mouth and starts sputtering out all that crap he can sound just as dumb as any idiot. I'm sorry if this offends, but if I hear one more fat Spanish dude yell at his kids in the fuckin grocery store one more time I may stick a 1/2 inch drill bit through my temple. (By the way I just saw a lady trip over her own feet and it was fuckin hilarious, I had to throw it in here)

These are a few of my favorite things...

Stupid shit that people do that I find mildly - extraordinarily funny:
1. People that pick their nose when they think no one is looking.
2. People that fall down and get mad at the elevation change in the floor
3. Drunk guys who think they're philosophers
4. Drunk girls
5. People who wear Winnie the Pooh shirts
6. White kids that think they have something in common with Bob Marley just because they smoke pot
7. White kids who dress more gangster than 50 cent
8. Shaq thinking that people actually want to listen to him talk
9. Guys that shave their entire body
10. Fat girls who think they're sexy
11. When there are two people in the elevator and one farts and tries to blame it on the other person
12. Girls that fart
13. Old people that try to relate to their kids so they go out and buy rap CD's when all they've ever known is Simon and Garfunkle
14. Older women who sleep with younger men because it makes them feel young again
15. People that are still excited about the Sydney Olympics
16. Hockey fans/Puck bunnies
17. People who collect porn
18. Girls that are very self conscious being ridiculed for the way the dress
19. Girls that think they're hard asses
20. Guys that are whipped and tuck their dick between their legs whenever their girlfriend is around
21. When somebody thinks they know more about college basketball than I do
22. When 75 year old women go back to college to get a degree even though they are going to die the day they graduate
23. Guys that think having gigantic muscles is cool, even though their cocks are hibernating
24. Virgins
25. And last but not least, Indians who think they're smart because they know the alcohol content of every cheap beer in the world!

Old People

OK, here's something for the kids. I was driving to class the other morining and got stuck behind that one person you do not want to be stuck behind...everyone's worst nightmare...an old woman. Thoughts started running through my head about lobbying Congress to make a new law about enforcing (1.) everyone to drive atleast the speed limit, or (2.) revoking the licenses of anyone over the age of 65. I chose 65 because by this time in your life you're normally retired and have nothing to look forward to or to hurry for, thus people above this age are the main problem on the roads. Another reason is that people this old are beginning to lose their minds (some even earlier). Having crazy people behind the wheel is a frightening thought. They might look to their left and all of a sudden think they're back at the war and start hitting everything in sight. Maybe I should start a business called the ETS (Eldery Transport System). If they have a constant driver then we won't have to worry about them driving slow in front of us or having an episode behind the wheel and taking out 18 little Catholic children just trying to get home fast enough to start having babies.

Alpine Valley Madness Volume 1

So this weekend two of my best friends and I packed up and road tripped it to Milwaukee for a two day Dave Matthews Band concert at Alpine Valley Amphitheatre in East Troy, WI. The first night we stopped in Iowa City to go downtown. We started drinkin at Tad's place at about 7 and went downtown at about 10. By the time we got there we were all pretty well shnockered. We went to the bar 808 and started out slow with a couple of beers, but before we knew it we were puttin down the jack and cokes and shots of whatever. We were all wasted, but Kyle was beginning to become unbelievably drunk. It seems that every time we go to Iowa City we get drunker than we've ever been before, which is nice. So at about 1 I went outside to get some air and saw Kyle leaning over on a bench just swaying like he had no idea what was going on. He was mumbling shit to this random dude sitting next to him. So I sat out there with him for a while until we saw some cops show up and inside the bar. Being that Kyle is only 20 I thought this would be the best time for us to leave. So I got his drunk ass up and tried my best to act sober so I could walk him back to the house. He stammered all the way back just mumbling random shit the whole way, but we made it eventually. When I got him to lay down on the couch he was out instantly. I was wide awak however, so I went into Tad's roommate's room and got even more wasted, one way or another, then went out on the other couch and passed the fuck out. About an hour later I got a call from Tad saying he wasn't going to be coming home that night because he was hookin up with some chick at her place, so I had to get my ass up at 7 the next morning and go pick him up from some house so we could get on the road.... Volume II will be out shortly.

Love Songs

It seems that love songs are making a comeback. After a long stint at the top party songs are beginning to take a backseat to love songs once again, and what a great time for that to happen (sarcasm on full blast here). It's summer time people! It's time for summer love! Although I've had a couple rendezvous this summer they've meant absolutely nothing and I am very ashamed that I let them happen because I am not a one night stand kind of guy. I'm the guy who treats girls like princesses and does everything I possibly can for them. I want nothing more than to fall in love because there's no better feeling than being in love. I honestly haven't found anyone in the last year that I could see myself falling in love with, though. Every girl I meet is the complete opposite of what I like in a girl. I'm so sick of meeting girls who are just party girls and think they're bad asses, that's so annoying. What ever happened to all the sweet girls? Every girl I meet reminds me of my ex because underneath everything she was a bitch and I HATE bitches. Don't get me wrong I love going out and getting drunk and partying, but I don't neccesarily like the typical party girl. I like a girl who takes care of herself and cares what she looks like and cares about people and not just herself. I like a girl that will treat me with the same respect I will treat her with. I don't like one sided relationships. I don't need a girl that wants to have sex, that's not something I look for or expect out of a relationship, but if it happens I like it to be at the right time and for it to mean something, it just makes it a lot more special when it actually means something. I'm not gunna lie, I can't wait to find somebody.